Although this week was supposed to return to business as usual around here, I’m sad to say that we won’t be, at least for right now, to leave time and space for mourning.
On the 10th of December, my mother quickly and quite surprisingly passed away. If you’ve been following me for awhile on this blog, you may have remembered that my mom had been sick with a rare brain disorder for quite some time. One called cerebral amyloid angiopathy. It was a long, and very, very arduous road for her, but thankfully things somewhat evened out and she became and remained stable for the last five years or so. This last year however, was very hard on her. She lived in a nursing home where she, as everyone else in a nursing facility, was on lockdown and had limited allowed interactions with us and others in the facility.
As a result, her communication, which already struggled greatly, declined even further. Then in the summer, she broke her hip, which for the elderly, is often a catalyst for passing somewhat soon after. However, she seemed to pull through and was making a great recovery. Then we got the call right before Thanksgiving that she had tested positive for COVID-19.
Every single day I called for an update though, and every single day it was great news, “She’s doing amazingly well!” Somehow she was pulling through completely and without a single symptom, until she wasn’t. The day after she was moved from the COVID unit to a recovery room, I called and was told that she wasn’t eating, drinking, or communicating. Having worked with many elderly people in the past at my former position at Morgan Stanley, I knew that this was often a sign of passing soon. She passed only 6 days later. I did get to see her in person, I did get to say goodbye, but it was just not enough. It was a mere 24 hours between getting approval to enter the facility, and her passing.
And thus my heart is broken, my mind lost and confused, and in need for some space and time to mourn. Losing a family member leaves you with a feeling of emptiness, and a feeling of needing to reflect, honor, mourn, and renew. So for the next few weeks, I’ll be doing that. And once I return with the blog posts as usual, there may be additional changes around here as well, as so often during times of loss, changes happen, redirections happen, rethinking happens, to honor those we have loved and lost.
Thank you for your understanding, and I wish you all well,
Ashley
I’m so sorry to read this about your mom. We don’t know each other, but that doesn’t matter– I’m sending peaceful thoughts and. healing prayers to you and your family. Your mom must have been so proud of the beautiful, kind, thoughtful, hard-working woman that you are. may she rest in peace and may you know that her love never, ever leaves. her body is now at rest, but her spirit is always with you.
Anne, thank you so very much for your kind and thoughtful words and prayers, they mean so very much to me and brought me to tears, but not just for reasons of sorrow. Thank you for kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness.
Ashley
Hi Ashley,
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁
I lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly 17 years ago. I cried every Sunday for about two years after, as Sunday was the day we would have a good long talk on the phone and catch up on absolutely everything.
There are no words to say that make the hurt and saddness go away, but it will fade into somethin more bearable over time. when we loose someone close. We become something more – more strong, more compassionate, more appreciative.
Take care Ashley and all the best to you.
Deborah
Deborah,
Thank you so very much for sharing your experience, and for your encouragement. Just like you said, nothing will make the pain go away but I’ve found great comfort in the support and condolences sent, remembering all of the good and happy times, and knowing that over time the hurt will lessen and I’ll be able to focus on evolving into something more.
Thank you again greatly, Deborah,
Ashley